Does everyone have to have his moment of glory. no matter how spurious or has our meritocracy been redefined?
It appears that there is now an annual British Parking Award and Haringey Council's parking team is a hot contender for Enforcement Team of the Year! Hurrah!
Big dinner at the Dorchester for these awards last year, organised by various parking lot outfits. Perhaps we could also create annual British Speed Camera Awards, Debt Collector of the Year or even Top Busybody Awards?
Please let us have your suggestions
Thursday, 6 March 2008
Tuesday, 4 March 2008
Another letter for our agony aunt
Q: Dear Auntie
I am very fond of animals and I have quite a close relationships with some of those who live with me, including my gorgeous tabby and the snow white owl which became a nightly visitor to the big tree in my garden.
Strangely enough, these two animals became very attached to each other and blow me if the owl didn’t start serenading my pussy - or so it seemed. Of course, common sense told me that this could not be so, just as you will no doubt tell me that I cannot possibly understand cat and owl language. But honestly, I can!
Anyway, my neighbours complained about the owl screeching at night and my tabby miaowing for all she was worth and to my dismay, they both suddenly disappeared. I suspected the worst from my neighbours - that they had got rid of them but exactly a year and a day after their disappearance, there they were again - the owl in the garden and my cat with a ring on her paw, telling me some cock and bull story about having sailed away together in a pea green boat to some outlandish country - I think it must have been Turkey - where they got married ! A bit far fetched I know. Anyway, Auntie, my question is this: I am really more into animals than humans. I just understand them better. What do you think I should do?
Maudie
A: Dear Maudie,
I think you have a number of options: one is that you approach someone like David Attenborough to see whether you could form a double act: He with his scientific knowledge, you with your ‘voices’.
Secondly, you try to find a circus to employ you although this would have to be abroad, since English circuses no longer have animals and that is, of course, your forte. You don’t say anything about trapeze acts or high wire tactics so presume you are stuck with just one type of talent.
Third and, I fear, the most obvious option, is to book yourself a nice long appointment with your GP, who will no doubt refer you on to a psychiatrist. Hearing voices, particularly when they seem to come from animals, has to be investigated and treated before you run into serious trouble.
I am very fond of animals and I have quite a close relationships with some of those who live with me, including my gorgeous tabby and the snow white owl which became a nightly visitor to the big tree in my garden.
Strangely enough, these two animals became very attached to each other and blow me if the owl didn’t start serenading my pussy - or so it seemed. Of course, common sense told me that this could not be so, just as you will no doubt tell me that I cannot possibly understand cat and owl language. But honestly, I can!
Anyway, my neighbours complained about the owl screeching at night and my tabby miaowing for all she was worth and to my dismay, they both suddenly disappeared. I suspected the worst from my neighbours - that they had got rid of them but exactly a year and a day after their disappearance, there they were again - the owl in the garden and my cat with a ring on her paw, telling me some cock and bull story about having sailed away together in a pea green boat to some outlandish country - I think it must have been Turkey - where they got married ! A bit far fetched I know. Anyway, Auntie, my question is this: I am really more into animals than humans. I just understand them better. What do you think I should do?
Maudie
A: Dear Maudie,
I think you have a number of options: one is that you approach someone like David Attenborough to see whether you could form a double act: He with his scientific knowledge, you with your ‘voices’.
Secondly, you try to find a circus to employ you although this would have to be abroad, since English circuses no longer have animals and that is, of course, your forte. You don’t say anything about trapeze acts or high wire tactics so presume you are stuck with just one type of talent.
Third and, I fear, the most obvious option, is to book yourself a nice long appointment with your GP, who will no doubt refer you on to a psychiatrist. Hearing voices, particularly when they seem to come from animals, has to be investigated and treated before you run into serious trouble.
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