Chuffa chuffa

Trains don't make that noise any more but it is still a nostalgic experience to travel in one. I hardly ever do it and when I do, as I did last week, it is an exciting experience. I used to get kicks from seeing destination boards at mainline stations with exotic places like Warsaw, Rome or Naples appearing, letter by letter. Now, Exeter by way of Clapham Junction, Woking and Basingstoke and Salisbury, will raise my blood pressure.

The nature of the experience has changed too. When I took the 7.58am from Great Dunmow to school in Bishop's Stortford every morning, I would be greeted with a cheery wave from the guard and then get straight into  the compartment with its two red plush facing benches, occupied mainly with bowler-hatted men, bound for London. Today's sleek Virgin trains with their automatic doors, opening onto vistas of travellers, wedded to their laptops or endlessly playing games on their mobiles is a different cup of tea altogether.

Speaking of which, there is, of course, a trolley offering refreshments, trundling down the aisle at regulars intervals. Temptation and no lunch before travelling, overcame me. Two shortbread biscuits in a packet please. A note tendered in payment. Change given for a tenner. "But I gave you a £20 note." Show of opening the till, rummaging around. "No, you gave me £10, madam." The lady opposite pipes up: "No, she gave you £20." No murmur from the trolley man. He just hands over another £10.

And then there is an announcement over the Tannoy: "Would Mr Bao please come to the guard's van immediately." Has Mr Bao deserted a sick relative? Is it his dog which is mauling the guard?" Imponderable. Ten minutes later, the Tannoy asks us all to scrutinise our fellow travellers and if there is a young Asian gentleman, answering to the name of Bao, to tell him to come to the guard's van without further notice. And there he comes. Probably a student. And then he return to his seat with a happy smile on his face and smiles all around. He has been reunited with his wallet it seems.

Train travel is still exciting!